nl's thoughts

It has been a long time since we came back to the USA and people ask us if we are used to life here. And I have to say, now it's like we never left, and having lived in India seems likes a vague dream.

Where shopping at Target used to overwhelm and scare me, now I love it as my "quiet space" and like to wander the isles for calming affect after a hectic morning with my kids.

We complain about traffic as much as we used to before, instead of marveling at the orderliness and politness of drivers in comparison to Indian streets.

But we do still remember that our home is not here. Living out of suitcases, getting to stay at various homes, try out different beds, play with different kids, attend all kinds of church services and sunday schools, it's been an adventure!

Overall we have enjoyed our stay here very much and it's actually gotten quite difficult to imagine leaving again. But our tickets are written in the stars. Or I mean, we must return by November, though currently our tickets are for October. Strangely enough, I miss Delhi more than our actual home city.

One of the things I've discovered about myself after some reflection and refreshment, is that ... I was wrong about myself. I thought I could go somewhere overseas where there are no foreigners, stick myself into the culture, make friends, learn the language, bond with people, maybe start a business or non profit, and build a community and be there, a long time, like 10 years or so.

But after having done something similar to that or tried to, for two years, I realized ... I don't think I'm cut out for it. If I'm going to last for the long haul, I need --- a city with other foreigners. I need a body of believers for fellowship, I NEED fellowship with live human beings, not email or skype or phone friends, and I need fellowship with people who really really love God. If I don't have that, I'm just going to burn out and come home chewed up.

I'm really hopeful. I'm excited to realize I'm not as strong as I thought I was. I'm happy to be able to identify what was that elusive factor that made part of my time overseas so difficult. Hopefully this second round, it will be up and up.